Seeing a Person as a Whole

Greetings my gentle readers to this weeks installment of the “Be Yourself, Often” blog found at www.joelwlamoure.com. Sort of prep for out Tuesday at 9pm EST radio show on WULC entitled “Prescribing Spiritual H.O.P.E” which is on Spreaker (http://www.spreaker.com/show/tuesday_prescribing_spiritual_hope). These are the moments that we can really address the moments and the actions, both positive and negative that contribute to the week that was.  How did we impact based on the decisions and Belief structure that we have? Notice I didn’t say to do nothing, for that is an option that may be either positive or negative. It is a choice; still rooted in the person we are and ultimately will determine outcomes.

Last week we took a look at structural soundness and being able to an architect of what we do and how we deal with events that transpire.  This week I have had the wonderful opportunity through both clinical practice and teaching to have this theory looked at and challenged. The ultimate root cause analysis that I often speak of is so very different for everyone and not unlike the rockets blowing away from the shuttle when it exploded, once a vector starts, it often will Y away from the center of the event.

In order to truly help someone and working to make their structure more sound, we must ensure that there is buy in and collaboration. There is a bunch of insight and awareness, dialogue and listening that SHOULD take place, but sadly doesn’t. Far too often, people are so rooted on what they want or what they think should be the end point, but never stopping to realize that they are making the situation worse.

As we stop and address a situation, there may be a hesitation to engage, fear or other past or current events and ultimately end up “doing their job”, but never ever getting the true wins and satisfactions that elude them. And sadly, they become bitterer across time for that extra step is never taken and the opportunities are not handed to them. This is a disequilibrium centering on delusion, different belief structures, different values, and lack of communications and really seems so unfair! I mean, after all, they are focusing what is important from the general perspective. C’mon coach…let me in and give me a chance!

But either the player (and many times too the coach) end up in a stalemate. One of the two parties has forgotten what is important in this equation. In the differentials of assessing a patient, these are the small things, NOT the big general perspectives. That is merely the accepted level of average that too many people take and accept.

We often forget that we are the sum of our parts and that is what drives the diagnosis and the end general perspective.

A wise person told me this week that it only takes one smart detective to crack a case, but along the way a bunch of people that aren’t looking at details can trample all over your crime scene.  The detective is where they are because they have and are able to look at the small details.

So I believe in order to look at a person as a whole, we need to look at all their parts and ensure those parts are well oiled and dovetail well and all the cogs and teeth in place. THAT is what makes and generates wins and positive outcomes… for BOTH parties and not just one. It takes two to tango and an appreciation of the other person and what are their wishes, goals and what is ultimately important to them. At this point we can step back and see the psychosocial quantitative analysis that needs to be done. It isnt about the numbers at the end of the day, but it is about the person and THEIR goals and outcomes. Its not the dollars and cents, but the psychosocial rehabilitation and quality adjusted life years that we are able to optimize. This is what gains traction and derives satisfaction for the person and the giver.

But in order to do that, we need to listen and look at the structure, belief, spirit and gifts that both parties have. Maybe, just maybe we will be able to leverage that for a better outcome, which will define a better society. Not one based in money and stuff and commodities, but on based in mutual understanding and psych-social balance.

That my gentle friends are a time of healing and a time that they and you can be yourself, often.

                                    ~~~ Rev. Dr Joel Lamoure     January 2013

Dichotomies all in One

Greetings my gentle readers to a new year for the “Be Yourself, Often” blog at www.joelwlamoure.com. Sit and settle down and be willing to stop and reflect in a comfortable way, put your thinking cap on and wonder about the questions that permeate the universe, collaboratively looking to answers that will help advance the spirit and ultimately humanity. Welcome to 2013 and a year that if we chose to take up the flag and carry it high may be the first of many where we practice the exercise of paying things forward. That concept of helping others with the extras that we have in order to be able to make the world and our communities a better place to be.  If you have already failed in your New Years Resolution, it’s never to late and if you are succeeding, apply that knowledge to pick up a new skillset!

We all have skills and gifts, no matter how rich or poor that we are. That is one of the benefit of being human and despite the fact that society values certain gifts over another, that does not mean that one is any more or any less important at the end of the day. We should not allow our expectations to drive the end results of what we do, but rather by the actions, which are inherent in our belief system, we can see the benefits that transpire and ripple out in concentric circles.

Negatives as well spread (sadly in fact faster than success) and a negative belief system, fraught with first world whines is the most likely way to guarantee failure. Especially when coupled with a societal driven set of values versus being willing to accept the positives but also these negatives as learning opportunities. Learning opportunities are a positive that can be then translated into future positives. So instead of allowing the negatives to devour, one can reframe and stand back and reflect before passing the sea of poop downstream to the next unfortunate soul until you are immersed so deeply that it will be difficult to extricate. Aristotle stated that “We are as we always do”. But there is a possibility to reframe and readdress that belief system and thus what we do and change what we become. How? Positivity, learning from negativity and being critically aware (looking at the goods and bads) of our belief system and having the mental fortitude and emotional/spiritual maturity to change them as we want. It is possible for anyone to do that.

Lets pull these four thoughts together now shall we? These are 1) paying it forward, 2) we all have gifts and talents that are unique and 3) negatives beget negatives exponentially and finally 4) negatives can be reframed as positives. Lets filter these through the concept that knowledge is power and that knowledge can change our belief system.

We cannot be all things to all people at all times, which is a lesson personally to reflect upon. Instead of being always the teacher or student, it is good to reflect that we can actually (and are) be both. Basically, we just ARE ourselves. And that is OK.  That I found was an incredible and very liberating insight. That degree of awareness and reflection will prevent some of the naysayers and dark jabs in the night from allowing us to be at-ease with ourselves. Of course we suffer mentally and physically in this life with all of the dis-ease going around! It is our positive side and resilience and gifts that keep us trucking along! We cannot teach everything and be an expert in all and conversely we can wish to learn from those masters what we have the emotional strength and willingness to learn. What do we need to learn? Only you know but quiet reflections and listening to the Fates and the lines within the shadows shall help set you on a better vector. A colleague told me this week that “God draws in squiggly lines” and that is so true. There is not a clear path, but forests and swamps and dangerous animals to reach the gingerbread house.

Want to help yourself? Give of the gifts and that cup does refill and eventually, truly does runneth over with opportunity and wonder. To keep to yourself and hide your candle under a bush will most only result in loneliness and a bush set on fire, or burned fingers when the candle is too small. Or actually, any of the three options.

Sharing the knowledge and being aware and not so tight-arsed about things gives freedom and clarity so one can see what actually is in the cup. Self-appreciation and self-valuation will help you appreciate the value of what is in the cup and stepping away from first-world whines will give you the fortitude top use it. That is the beginning of spiritual development and the antithesis of negativity begetting negativity.

First step is to be ALIVE, be aware and practice being at-ease with the self, and that involves stepping back from the yuck of the day and going to the meditative and reflective place of play and regeneration.  We can be both past and present and indeed our past (good and bad) defines our present, which IS a gift. Once we start that we can realize be can be both adult and child, giver and receiver, teacher and student, healer and healing and start to be yourself, often.

           

                                                ~~~ Rev. Dr. Joel Lamoure   January 2013